a love legacy; facing my fear, finally; the fear that to speak the truth might cause me to lose the illusion of love

I just finished a great thing: facing my fear.
it took a lot of courage. and a lot of learning and acceptance. after three years of a drama unfolding, finally I feel free, my heart whole, and me, wholly myself.

finally, i realized it was all about me. all this trouble.
i realized that having 'karma' with someone doens't mean that we're tied by destiny; all life is karmically directed. having 'karma' with someone doesn't make it special or any different than anything else in this life.

and i realized, that I was very attached to the dream of a person I loved.
and that it meant nothing to them, all these thoughts and things that happened; it meant everything to me.

so I told them what was really going on. what really happened.
and I had the courage to ask them, "why did you do this? why did you never tell me?"
and I had the courage to say the words they were afraid to say, in case they might hurt me: his words were: "I don't love you." and I had the courage to accept it as his truth, instead of deny it by my delusion.

and now I can let go of little boys who cannot handle me, cannot accept me; who judge me and are ashamed that someone might judge them if they see him with me. I let go of boys who are arrogant and mean; who refuse to have heavy conversations and who do not like the fact that I am "deep" in my thoughts and actions. who cannot be on my level. who cannot get-out-of-the-box.
I let go of them.
I let go of love that is immature, and conditional.
I let go of love that is untrue, twisted, confused.
I let go of love that hurts me; that puts daggers in my heart, carelessly.

I embrace those who accept me for who I am, love me not DESPITE my quirks but BECAUSE of my quirks. I embrace love that brings me forward in my life; that helps me and supports me and allows me to support them back. I embrace those who do not judge me, but ask me 'why?' and listen, sincerely, for the answer I may give them. I embrace love that is fearless. I embrace those who, despite any fear, they confront their ego and speak from the heart.

I embrace no longer tommorow, but NOW. and now I embrace the rest of my life and work on this planet.



Love. Learning. Lessons.

chaos leads to a shift; embrace change as a beautiful thing, and you will find the beauty.