Yogini life through changing times

Soulmates and Dating

2009-03-06T08:37:00.001-08:00

Let Go, Release, Be Yourself, and Gain Everything!

2009-03-02T06:48:00.001-08:00

The past 24 had been amazing, and I felt compelled to let you in... LET GO OF EVERYTHING AND GAIN EVERYTHING!

New Politics (draft)

2009-02-06T06:47:00.000-08:00

New President. New Year. New Hope. New Ideas...

But will it last?
Our determination and excitement and hope, Obama the Icon bringing us Unity and Faith again in our government... is it enough?

Watching ZeitGeist, one can easily doubt the sincerity of any Presidential Candidate, of anyone in power or who has a definite greed for money -while the rest of the world remains cruxified by their enslavement of 'needs', loans and "making-ends-meet" philosophy.

While I currently believe in the sincerity and good will of President Barack Obama, I will refuse to close my eyes on the activities of the government; the President is not all-knowing; a 'good man' as the Head of a 'corrupt corporation', cannot always direct the body of that corporation, nor can it be aware of what happens on its very back -the blindspot of our Holy Head.

One, 9/11 was an inside job.
Two, our government is not as stupid as it allowed its previous representation (Bush Jr.) to appear.
Three, the less we find that the world of politics, bureaucracy, laws, educational-systems and government is comfortable, comprehensive and Constitutional, the more we may assume that they are no longer created for us, by us or even with our consent and agreement. After all, the liar is always elusive, and rather make you feel stupid or wrong, (thus snuffing you by your confusion and embarassment, or exhausting you with their obstacle-course styled system) than admit their flaws, faults or

Grey:
"What will Americans do if Germans sink an ocean liner with American passengers on board?"
House:
"I believe that a flame of indignation will sweep the United States and that by itself would be sufficient to carry us into war."
(pertaining to the premeditation of the sinking of the Lusitania)

Sound familiar? Not yet?
November 25, 1941
"The question was how should we maneuver them into firing the first shot... it was desireable to make sure the Japanese be the ones to do this so that there should remain no doubt as to who were the aggressors."
Henry Stimson, Secretary of War (in a conversation with Franklin D. Roosevelt)
The attack on Pearl Harbor was known weeks in advance, was provoked by Roosevelt who 1. Halted Trade, 2. Froze Japanese Assets, and 3. Aided Japan's Enemies (against war rules).
Dec. 4th, THREE DAYS BEFORE an Australian Intelligence told Roosevelt about a Japanese Task Force moving towards Pearl Harbor. Roosevelt ignored the warning. (Much like Bush's nonaction when warned about the 9/11 attack).
Before Pearl Harbor, 83% of America wanted nothing to do with war. After, 1 MILLION men volunteered to be drafted into service. (Similar tactics used to involve America in almost every war since).

LBJ made millions (indirectly through the banking system) off the Vietnam war. Americas passage into involvement? The Gulf of Tonkin incident, later quoted as a "mistake" by Former Secretary of Defense Robert Macknemaris, and later it was revealed to never have happened at all.

Does it appear that we are controlling our government, or that our government is controlling us?
Vietnam War was not meant to be won, only SUSTAINED.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kHhc67GopM ZeitGeist FullMovie

As is our current "War on Terror" purposely sustained not only to reap profit from it, but to slowly and efficiently degrade and destroy our liberties and rights as not only citizens of America, but as human beings.

We cannot hide, we cannot close our eyes, we cannot play dumb and believe what is fed to us via propaganda and fear-tactics...
We must refuse to be controlled, must have the will and energy to seek the answers for OURSELVES, and have the courage to speak the truth.

We are not at war with other countries, lands, religions... we are at war with ourselves -in more ways than one.
The rest of the world mimics itself and eachother; what goes on in Iran, Iraq, Russia, Africa, China, South America, Vietnam.... it goes on in America as well. You are no longer uninvolved; in fact, you never were neutral; the less active you became, the less "politically/actively/religiously involved" so you could be an apathetic, ignorant citizen to consume goods and make money and feed your family and pay taxes.... THE MORE SUSCEPTIBLE YOU BECAME TO BEING THEIR PAWN TO PLAY IN THIS GAME OF ECONOMICS, WAR, GOVERNMENT AND INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS.

Because... the more you gained (the more you had to lose, whether it be social standing, a car, a house, your family's welfare...) more passive you became to those who threatened taking it away, the less willing you were to defend yourself. The less willing you were to defend yourself, the easier prey you became. The more power you observed them taking from you, the more fear you had for what objecting to that power would result in. Suddenly you're saying "let me have my house, my family, my TV shows, my food; let me have the Pride of saying America is the Greatest in the World, convince me I should feel privileged. Just leave me alone, do what you must so the TERRORISTS/NAZIS/KOOKS/JAPS/ENEMY doesn't invade MY living room... and you can have what you want."

But you... are not... safe
Neither is all you love. Neither is all you own. Neither is your will, your freedom of speech, your ability to call America the Greatest Nation on Earth...

Wake up, children. It's all a wild ride. Don't believe your television; all that land is entertainment. Take a mirror; look at yourself: do you hate the way you look? Should you be fatter, thinner, taller, skinnier, muscled, curved or blonde? WHO TOLD YOU THAT? Take a look at your life: Is it tha life you dreamed of when you were a kid? Is that the same dream you dreamed of as an adult? Do you really think the adult knows more about your desires... or what other people desire? What should a persons dream-life look like? WHO TOLD YOU THAT? Look at your religion: is it brining you joy or happiness, soul-realization, or peace? Are you being a "good Christian/Catholic/Muslim/Jew/Buddhist/Orthodox-/Pentacostal/Hindu..."? What do those people do anyways? Are they happy? Have they found God/Allah/Buddha/Rama/Source... yet? What are your morals? Who told you how to live, love, marry, vote, fear, educate and even fuck? WHO TOLD YOU THAT?

Think about it. What part of your thoughts and beliefs actually belong to you, and what have you just stored as a social-default-mechanism?

"Well, why can't we all just get along?" We can; but believe me, it is not by not-thinking.

honest heart poetry

2008-07-30T23:05:00.001-07:00

you are the words inbetween the words.
the endless rhythm of that secret silence,
you are the subtle breathing love that listens for the bat of an eyelash, as I think.
as much as you show me love, you are and more
your existence the emulsion for the film of my life
showing me the beauty by giving it a different shade,
bringing light to dark, and showing me the elegant shadows.
and now I know that the white and the black on the photograph of my heart
are neither good nor bad.
and that -even for so long as I kept it blank, undeveloped-
it's beauty comes with darkness and light,
and I am not afraid to see the full picture.

"The American Spirit"

2008-06-27T08:03:00.000-07:00

What we are, we attract. So, I haven't run into this situation in quite a long time.
But when I did, I was fuming for a long time after (although my anger is my work, not anyone else's fault.)

Americans in general are diverse across the nation. The way people view them in other countries is, also, diverse. Unfortunately for us now, it is based mostly based on reality TV shows and tourists with bad fashion and sometimes cultural indifference.
In other words, they'd rather see the pretty sights then the real people, and they're generally 'lazy dressers' (think bermuda shorts and a Hawaiian shirt).
The appearance is not a problem, however obvious it separates them from the locals, but the cultural indifference leaves them without an interest in the real culture, language, people and customs of a place, and also gives them the illusion that it is all bright lights expensive and shiny 5 star hotels.

I am very partial to wanting to learn about the culture and languages of a place, to better understand the people who live there. I realize maybe I should be studying anthropology, but traveling to a place and learning all I can ("field work") is good enough if not better. I also realize that this particular manner of doing things is not the normality.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I run into the most arrogant people.

I'm at a dinner table at friends house. The family is there, and they have a guest. Overall, this family is very Republican. I'm labeled a 'hippie' and 'free spirit' in this house;attempts to understand my world and views are limited.
We sit to eat dinner. I am asked about my recent trips to Europe, my life there, and what I decide to do next. I mention I live in a mostly Turkish district.
First mention of Turkish people, Guest (I refuse to use his real name) tells me I should set off a bunch of big fireworks and watch all the Turks run outside holding their (was he pretending to have a turban on his head whilst mocking them?) and screaming "ooh ga booga gobba gobba!"

Everyone laughed. I felt sickened by his racist display and his obvious ignorance of the Turkish people (who, at least in Vienna, and no where else in Europe, wear turbans, and not all the women cover their hair.) They are Muslim, but that doesn't make them terrorists.
We eat our dinner, and I don't bring up the Turkish people again. I pick other topics, if I speak at all. He has decided to give a long lecture about all the misdeeds of our Presidents, and how, "At least Bush stood behind his convictions and beliefs!" and I suppose when ordered to do something, did it. He said that during Clinton's reign, they had caught Osama many times and were ready to shoot him, or some other 9-11 related terrorists, and Clinton refused and let them go. Maybe Clinton thought that killing a major head of the uprise would turn him into a martyr and make things worse. Who knows? But it went on and on and on. He was very opinionated. That didn't bother me. I've learned to listen to people, and catch flaws in their arguments, or truths.
When I got up to put my dishes away, the family asked me the question once again, "So, what are you doing with your life now? What are you doing in Vienna?" I mentioned school, I mentioned studying, and then I mentioned going to India to teach English at an ashram-run school for impoverished children there for three months, perhaps.
BINGO! The Eastern section of the world ruffles the feathers of the great miniature eagle again.
Guest persists on telling me that I would be better of shutting my finger in a door than going to India, and that I'll come back riddled with diseases and likely killed. He goes on and on about the brutality of the people there.
He begins to even confuse cultures. I have no doubt in my mind he has no real idea about what he's talking about. He's never been to India.
Then he stops me and says, "You want some BEAUTIFUL sights, go to Jacksonhole, Wyoming". I suppress a laugh. He's comparing India to some place in America? They shouldn't be debated; they're two different worlds. With two different dangers. If you're white and you're in America, you won't be bothered. That's his safety. And he needs it.

By the end of the night, if I was a terrorist, I would've slit his arrogant, ignorant, disrespectful throat right then and there.
I'm not violent in my nature, but I can understand the reaction of a people who are conditioned to hate Americans, and non-Muslims, and who then see media and television and think "Those are Americans".

And we wonder why people in different countries don't like us!? With attitudes on Americans like that? Inflated like a balloon ready to burst?

For me, the most important thing is to understand that we are all living on the same planet, with the same upcoming troubles and difficulties. Our cultural and language difference divides us. But if we make NO EFFORT to try and understand one another, we will never make it. We will qaurral and fight, hate and fear eachother. We have misrepresented eachother for too long, and the media has been ill-used as well in this dilemma. People think we party like rockstars and squabble like bratty children. They see MTV and truly believe we are those people.

And honestly? After watching those shows, modeling ourselves after the image of publicity... Aren't we beginning to believe the same?

all the way (part 2)

2008-06-20T17:05:00.000-07:00

When I returned home, I felt overwhelmed with excitement.
I was anxious to be home, in a familiar place, to make the most of every minute!
The heat, the salty air, good food... my family, my closest friends, my home.

But today, I feel again a sadness; a loss of my direction; a wandering, lost, child with all the question of her existence; an ocean of uncertainty.
I feel that perhaps it has been so long since I have been truly happy, I don't remember the feeling. I barely remembered the feeling of this place, at first.

I have been broken many times. I've come familiar with this feeling...
I looked into his (an old loves') face and saw a boy who didn't really know what he wanted. But he knew he didn't want me. He said the words "I don't love you".
Four words to break my heart, and more; "You're too deep, too strange".
Thus, breaking my self-image as well as my heart. I left that very night, taking a train to a city four hours away. I didn't speak to anyone about it, but if you looked into my face you could tell; The castle that I was had been broken, grinded to sand.

Months after, the most amazing thing happened. I looked at my life and saw how much it had changed. I saw the strings that had tied me like a puppet to my sorrow, to my struggle, and I saw how the painful snipping of these strings had set me free.
I thought of him again, and made a phone call. We spoke for a long time, and for the time I did not feel foolish or stupid, choked with emotion or timid with the feeling of him judging me. I did not feel him judging me, did not feel me caring if he did. I spoke to him as a friend; as a real person; as myself.
Because, shortly before, I came to realize that the honesty I had forced him to give me, the final dagger-to-my-heart I forced him to throw, was the blessing of my life.

I was free. Released of him.
And just as that sorrow existed only to release me to happiness, so will this sorrow fade, and I will take one step closer to the Joy I will, in one future moment, remember.

all the way (part 1)

2008-06-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

This blog is not based on positivity.

For all my life, music has been my guardian angel. Like the soft touch of an invisible feather and angels wing is to another person, my angel has been music. Now don't start singing Phantom of the Opera tunes, because this is different.
I'm not Little Lotte whose lost her father and wants to reconnect emotionally with him through some opera phantom.
I'm someone whose life has been enriched with music since the age of 4.
My grandmother is a piano teacher. Has been, for years. She started me off playing classical piano at the ripe age of four years old. I learned to listen to music and be able to play it. Then, I learned to read music and play it. When I was old enough not to fall asleep while sitting in one place for more than two hours, I accompanied her to the symphony. For years, my weekends were spent with my grandmother as we attended the symphony to hear countless renditions, interpretations and presentations of artists that I have long since forgotten their names, but not their sounds.
I'm not going to lie; it's not like I never fell asleep during it. But the sounds played over and over in my head.
My mother was a singer. She sang earlier in her career, and also had a long running singing gig in Hawai'i while living there. She still sings beautifully. When I was very young, she was part of a barbershop quartette and also a larger singing group. She would have the most beautiful outfits to wear...
My father would take me. He was never officially trained in music, but he was introduced to it young, I think, and took right to it. To this day he is playing around with new instruments all the time. (He doesn't have a singing voice). He plays fiddle, mandolin, pipeflute, irish-button-accordian, concertina, and a bit of piano.
I love my parents, and I love music.

While traveling through Europe, I wasn't on any normal tourist jaunt. I was traveling for myself, with myself, and had to deal -a lot- in myself. It's the hardest thing I've ever done.
I've been let down more than once, and hurt harder than I thought I could be.
It's exhausting; living.
and, Growing.

Somehow, someway, I learned the phrase "If you want to make God laugh, show him your plans."
and it came true...again, and...again.
But Somehow, Someway... I ended up with an apartment in Vienna, Austria; with friends that started becoming very close; with a family-type atmosphere here; with someone who has filled my life in a way I didn't think it could be filled.
And, with a determination to study at the Konservatorium Wien Privat; Private music conservatory.
I wanted to study opera there. I spent more than the tuition on vocal coaches to get my voice in shape for the audition. I was excited but not hopeful the first day.
and... I made it in! Off to the 2nd round.
I was nervous.
and...

I had an apartment, three flatmates that had become friends, and to whom I promised to stay and be a responsible rent-payer for the next year. -Even if I didn't make it into the conservatory. I had spent about 300 euros on elaborate lighting design in my room to make it feel less like an office and more like a dreamlike, artists home. I painted the walls with original designs I made myself. I even got into botany for the first time of my life and bought orchids. I had made the first jump in my life; the first commitment that a commitment-scared girl ever made. and not just ONE and not just ANY ONE COMMITMENT.

I made a commitment to stay, no-matter-what.
I made a commitment to find a way, even as a possibly Visa-less foreigner, to earn more than 300 euros per month to pay rent.
I made a commitment to find work, somehow, no-matter-what.
I made a commitment to live across an ocean, and a country, 12 hours by plane away from the only home I ever knew, for the first time in my life, to a country where people don't really smile at strangers, and don't speak my language, and I can't yet speak theirs well enough to explain WHY I smile at strangers.
I made a commitment to study music.
But I got rejected.

At least I have a home.
But I made plans. I was so afraid of taking that jump; of finally deciding to focus on the one thing that has always brought my passion, life, love, energy: MUSIC.

Another girl, Anastasia, who went before me and also made it to the 2nd round, flew all the way from Bulgaria to come and audition. Her family took all the money they had and put it into her training, and a train ticket there.
She got rejected, as well.

"C'est la vie" the french saying goes.
But now I have to figure out how to make a new plan.
They say that everything happens for a reason, and yes. Good did come out of this journey.
But I thought I was right; that what I was doing was right. And I just don't know why, yet.
Why did it lead me so far, to not bring me all the way?

The Bible and Information of the Heart

2008-06-02T03:11:00.000-07:00

whether you HATE the Bible or religion or God, or whether you LOVE it...
stop quoting things you don't understand.
The mind may comprehend, but if the heart does not feel, it is worthless and shallow information.
All across and around the world, humans have created a God of some sort, by some name, with some definition.
Perhaps there is a Force which inspired these people, in the whole of the world, to create ’Him/Her’ in their culture and life. "perhaps perhaps perhaps" its some sort of phenomena...

But what is written on the page (most specifically in the Bible) is written by man. I say MAN not woman, only to stress the point -while I’m at it- that most of the Bible didn’t favor women; men wrote it. (Just pointing out one of the obvious human-faults marking the work here).
And not just any men wrote it. Men who considered themselves holy. and sometimes, the worst sins come from those who consider themselves holier-than-thou and above their fellow man.
So of course, the Bible, written by men (even with perhaps good intentions) is unfortunately governed as well by HUMAN LAWS of this world.
It is an interpretation in the sense it is not exact. There were no cameras and microphones, no live-streaming vidoes, not even scribes that recorded Jesus’ and all the other saints’ lives daily.
The Bible was written far after all those ’Miracles’ and "Saints" came upon us and happened.

Accuracy cannot be assumed.

So, in quoting the Bible, you are quoting man. Humans. Not God. Not even Jesus. Not REALLY.
It’s just not accurate, and people tend to misinterpret it.
Who am I to say that? Well, I have no authority; my word is not law. Do not take what I say as the absolute truth or knowledge of the matter.
But everytime I see more people going to church as a 'duty', my faith tends to drop a little in their ability to get real enlightenment out of their proclaimed 'faith' they stand so patriotically beside.
However, everytime I see or hear of or meet someone with genuine sincerity, with humble introspection, and who honestly comes to God (or whatever other name given such as Allah or Buddha or Rama) with love and adoration, I will not judge them; I only honor them. I even consider them a brother or sister of my own faith, because they are coming from the heart.
We are brothers and sisters of "The Faith of Love"; we come from the heart to seek the path to our own journey.

In my opinion, most of what was written, especially by Jesus (or in his quotes) was poetic.
"Do not throw pearls before swine" and all that.
Well, exactly! Don’t throw "exact meanings" and obvious answers in front of people who just DON’T GET IT.
Give them allusions, and metaphors... allow them to realize the deeper meaning within themselves.
Alot of ill has come of people taking the Bible too seriously. Word-for-word recitation, without a damndest clue of the meaning.

But my main issue here with people chattering and arguing...is that religions all over the world have something in common. They parallel each other.
And so I’m not limiting my view to the common and famous Bible.

the IDEA ITSELF of Jesus in India, as a recent topic came up about it as the film debut nears...
( www.jesus-in-india-the-movie.com )
is intriguing, and not all that impossible to believe, even without ’proof’.
India has apparently an entire different world and belief-system.
Imagine if Jesus Christ, the man, visited India; was taken into an ashram by some saint or guru; took his teachings back to his homeland and spread the words and beliefs that later got him killed...

In my eyes, people can believe that God is a terrible monster, but I won’t. I see the similarity and parallels in whatever religion I come across. and it’s not so terrible, really.
What man has written are children’s bedtime stories... to scare sinners into giving money for salvation... into forcing them into good behavior...
It was very 'dark-times' when the politics of Catholicism ruled. Things were changed and omitted in the Bible.
Man wrote it.

But just as the words should not be taken literally... so should you not take that idea of God literally. (The idea of God is not a mental excercise.)
Honestly, India has one thing in particular that I have adopted and love; the path of the spirit is through the heart.
even in reaching the thousand petal lotus, you must focus on the spiritual eye and feel your heart open with love.
I don’t care what you believe in; I don’t care what you call your "God".
those are more words to confuse and alienate.
Religion has a historical mark in this world, yes.... but spiritual paths came from it andmore likely inspired the creation of religion. Spirituality came before churches. It all started in the heart, as a spiritual, not political, thing.

So stop getting so political and literal.
If you want to know a story better, find the truth in what you feel. Not what you fear or hate. Not what you block out. Not what you decide is bullshit.
Dig through the bullshit that is written and find what is beneath it.
There is an entirely different kind of history that is not written in books... and it cannot be read by the eyes.

I’ve gotten a lot of information from an open mind and an open heart.
Think of everything as connected, for we as a collective human species are connected.

Involving the Spirit with Nature (example)

2008-06-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

let me tell you about the past hour
its 8:30 barely...on a Sunday evening in Vienna
maybe 8
maybe earlier

and the sky is still light blue fading into the night
the trees have been tousled around by the wind quite a bit
but a still has come over them
and its gentle blowing now
but the clouds darken the sky
and you can feel the heaviness in the air
there are little faraway rolling claps of thunder, barely audible for at least an hour, and you have wondered if it was in your head until now
when a flash of lightning flickers in the corner of your eye, catching your attention

in the next few minutes, on a hot and sunday that followed a very warm weekend, the clouds have had enough and break open with rain
rain that comes gentle at first, pitter patters, and I get up to close the windows, smelling the beauty of the rejuvinating, cleansing scent of rain filling the air
then as i'm sitting feeling the sky 'release' its cloud-knotted tension, it starts raining harder and harder
then SMACK
smack smack SMACK

the sound of hard white crystalline orbs hitting the window with little cracks
makes me wonder if it will break, but not with worry but excitement,

and just like that, huge hailballs are smack smack cracking upon the rooftops and windows, hitting the ground and turning to slush only to be rinsed away and melted by the coming rain, still mingling with its counterpart
the trees leaves are barely heard swishing in the wind
the lightning becomes only an accepted and expected effect
the thunder is on the level of your heartbeat, of your excitement, of your natural involvement with this miniphenomena of earth
the hail stops
the rain lessens
the sky is getting darker, and a few lightning bolts still flash over the last pink patch of fade-to-blue sky
and into the night the thunder is the only reminder that nature is working outside

and the lightning flashes, never ceasing its interest in the electric air
and never losing its beauty

About the word WANT vrs. INSPIRATION

2008-05-23T03:05:00.000-07:00

found this and I find it very helpful. It's by Dr. Symeon Rodger

"There's a pervasive myth out there in the Personal Development world... It's a very harmful myth... And it's probably holding you back, even though it claims to move you forward. That myth is the idea that you need to focus on what you WANT. Funny, but almost everyone who tries this ends up feeling STUCK. Why? Simple. Thinking about what you want and don't have puts you in TENSION. This gives rise to all your fears and doubts about your ability to ever get what you want. It rekindles the same psychological dynamic in you that leads to neurosis and dissatisfaction. If you think about it, everybody is ALREADY focusing on what they want, and it doesn't take a genius to notice that doesn't work too well ;-) Yes, granted they usually focus on "wants" that are too short term, but it's still "want-centered". Instead, try focusing on what genuinely and deeply INSPIRES YOU. This is not just a semantic difference. Try it and you'll confirm that for yourself. Don't take my word for it. People who follow the common advice of focusing on wants start thinking about vacation homes and new cars. And they're right back into the negative psychological dynamic. Focusing on true inspiration is different. Find that within yourself and you'll feel so light you could fly. You'll feel energized, optimistic and truly happy. If you look at nearly all great accomplishments, you'll find they were brought about by INSPIRATION, not by a feeling of LACK. Give this a try and your life will never be the same! Dr. Symeon Rodger "

Decision is a Clear Radiowave

2008-05-14T04:06:00.000-07:00

Have you found yourself, during the course of your life, riddled with indecision? In simple things? In small things?
Ever notice you don't seem to get what you WANT that way?

"You can't always get what you want, but sometimes you just might get what you need"

That song-lyric is totally right!
However, even if you may always get what you need (even if what you need is a 'hard lesson'), this does not move you forward in your development of powers-of-manifestation.

Clarity is key.

There's a rule to remember; be clear and your life will be less chaotic, more communicative, and overall easier to live.

As soon as you make a clear Decision to yourself, and every cell of your body is SURE of this choice, your entire Being/body/mind hums with the vibration of this choice/decision/desire/etc.

Then, you can imagine yourself as a radiowave that is sending out this desire to the Universe; you have made your choice and now the Universe must do the rest.
But when you are not clear, your signal is unclear as well, and comes as confused garble and jibberish to the Universe. Who listens to white-noise on the radio? No one can understand it!

Make a choice. Don't doubt your instinct and intuition. Waste NO energy on second-guessing forever and ever and ever (as some people spend their time going "if" and "maybe" and "what if" and honestly, all of those phrases suggest you have any idea what the future may bring, when truthfully, you only live in the present moment and barely have control of that!).
and then ask for GUIDANCE.

after that, keep determined, strong, faithful (in yourself), trusting (in the Universe), and accept that you WILL do whatever it takes to make it to your goal; to get what you want; to manifest your decision.

Then the Universe must answer your call! the Universe must TUNE-IN!
and Tune In to the Universe; be ready to listen to its answer, and accept what comes.

But don't give up easily.

____There is only one exception to this law; what is absolutely NOT good for you, will not be given to you. If you persist and perhaps get it anyway, it may cause great pain.
Remember that the desire to have something will always be present in you unless you can remove yourself from ego; once you have a big toy, -if your desire TO HAVE is bigger than the desire for that toy itself- you will want a bigger toy.

But listen to your intuition. and Listen. Listen. Listen to the Universes whispers.

A plea to the Divine

2008-04-21T02:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes your whole heart asks for a desire to be fulfilled.
You wait and you wait... and nothing happens.

perhaps it is a desire for someone else to change, to take action, to be moved to answer your call.
perhaps you even move to try and change things... hope that your desire will be fulfilled.

But sometimes, nomatter how hard it is, you must realize that you cannot change the actions of someone else. you can wish for something to happen; perhaps it will, or perhaps it won't.
You call out to the Divine and hope they hear you!
and you say, "please let this person hear my plea! whisper it in their ear!"
but that person must be listening to the Divine, as well. and if they are in discord with the Divine... they may miss the message altogether.

Or maybe YOU are missing the message; that this is not the time for this desire to be fulfilled; it is not in your Highest Good.

and you let go.

and the funny, magical thing is... when you let go of this tight rope you have holding 'specific events detailed in your desire' together... and free it up so the Universe can work as it will...
the answers come.
THEN the answers come.

under the title category 'Life'

2008-04-15T05:09:00.000-07:00

I put this under category 'Life'.
does anyone ever search under the "Life" category? I think they'd rather go for music, or drama, or entertainment... who needs to search for Life? it's everywhere, and honestly, I think people sometimes tire of hearing about it.
yet they can't get enough of it.

I keep waiting for an email back. with pictures of sunrises from Germany.

they don't come. but I keep hoping.

I'm ever hopeful.
I was hopeful for two years for Robin. I'm not even afraid to say his name anymore.
It's not even sacred anymore.
But ego really kills you know...

and I'm happy about one thing at least...
I've stopped trying to pour out my love or my rage (just about equal at this point, to whatever level they used to be) on him.
He doesn't deserve my rage. Nor does he deserve my love.

so, I let it go.
and instead of feeling unsatisfied with myself because I didn't verbally and justfyingly throw-up all my anger on Robin via email, I just kept it simple, businesslike, and quite adequately as ego-less as I could get.

and... I felt good. for once. about the whole thing.

ego exposure

2008-03-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

if you want a good look at what ego looks like...
watch reality tv

courage to change habits (part 1)

2008-03-16T03:45:00.001-07:00

"Do not let wrong and discordant things of the world worry you. It is true that there are many bad things in existence. But if a thing is bad, why make it a part of yourself? You are your own greatest enemy; and you are your own greatest friend. It is in your power to choose that which you want to make a part of yourself. This applies to thoughts and feelings and desires, as well as deeds." - Paramahansa Yogananda, East-West Magazine,July-August, 1930, Vol (4-5) I've found a lot of great wisdom from that man. I finished highschool, I worked, and I left for Europe. I found that with surrender, I was given the world. I did not struggle against the current, but let it take me to open arms, loving people, beautiful places. It has been lonely at times, but I iron my will and stand strong against the temptating thought that "maybe there is something back home that is not here, maybe it would be easier if I went somewhere else..." but no. I know that wherever I am I will have to face myself in the morning each night, in my dreams, in my relationships and interaction with others. I can go to the other side of the world, but I cannot hide from myself. However, I stay here in Europe, and thrive on the fact I have no home, have no job, have no plans... and therefore, I am forced to be open to change and growth. there is no home I can hide in, no job or structure I can run to; I'm on my feet running for my life, or should I say, keeping pace with life, running TOWARDS my future. It is hard to face ones self. but a person must learn to be kind and firm with themself. a person simply cannot grow from negative self-talk. so stop fighting yourself and start being kind, patient, understanding. look at your habits as things that are not YOU but a piece of your experience here; a lesson to be learned and a challenge to grow from. if it is a deep habit, it has psychological ties, and goes deeper than just the action. but that does not mean you need to go to a psychiatrist; if you simply take time to listen to what is really going on, really introspect, even write your thoughts and feelings down, you will learn a lot. what do psychiatrists do anyway? they listen to you talk; they get paid for you to talk. so talk. even better, write it down and then later look at what you've written. and courage is in the doing. "fear exists only in the future." if you have fear, you are not living in the present moment. and remember, "you are bigger than any obstacle"

a love legacy; facing my fear, finally; the fear that to speak the truth might cause me to lose the illusion of love

2008-03-15T14:49:00.000-07:00

I just finished a great thing: facing my fear.
it took a lot of courage. and a lot of learning and acceptance. after three years of a drama unfolding, finally I feel free, my heart whole, and me, wholly myself.

finally, i realized it was all about me. all this trouble.
i realized that having 'karma' with someone doens't mean that we're tied by destiny; all life is karmically directed. having 'karma' with someone doesn't make it special or any different than anything else in this life.

and i realized, that I was very attached to the dream of a person I loved.
and that it meant nothing to them, all these thoughts and things that happened; it meant everything to me.

so I told them what was really going on. what really happened.
and I had the courage to ask them, "why did you do this? why did you never tell me?"
and I had the courage to say the words they were afraid to say, in case they might hurt me: his words were: "I don't love you." and I had the courage to accept it as his truth, instead of deny it by my delusion.

and now I can let go of little boys who cannot handle me, cannot accept me; who judge me and are ashamed that someone might judge them if they see him with me. I let go of boys who are arrogant and mean; who refuse to have heavy conversations and who do not like the fact that I am "deep" in my thoughts and actions. who cannot be on my level. who cannot get-out-of-the-box.
I let go of them.
I let go of love that is immature, and conditional.
I let go of love that is untrue, twisted, confused.
I let go of love that hurts me; that puts daggers in my heart, carelessly.

I embrace those who accept me for who I am, love me not DESPITE my quirks but BECAUSE of my quirks. I embrace love that brings me forward in my life; that helps me and supports me and allows me to support them back. I embrace those who do not judge me, but ask me 'why?' and listen, sincerely, for the answer I may give them. I embrace love that is fearless. I embrace those who, despite any fear, they confront their ego and speak from the heart.

I embrace no longer tommorow, but NOW. and now I embrace the rest of my life and work on this planet.

Love. Learning. Lessons.

chaos leads to a shift; embrace change as a beautiful thing, and you will find the beauty.

the power of cellphones

2008-03-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

short blog.

RINGTONES

how you react to someone has a lot to how they react to you. so, communication is very important. clear, precise, keep-it-simple-and-don't-confuse-yourself-with-babble communication.
but HOW YOU SOUND has a lot to do with HOW THE OTHER PERSON LISTENS.

suggestion!

we all know choosing different ringtones for different people -all those choices! yay!- is fun and sometimes obsessive and involves lots of changing, downloading, whatnot and whatever.
so! think about how you react to someone that calls you on the phone, or that you call to. how do you react with them? how do you sound? do you like it? do your conversations feel comfortable, or uncomfortable? strained or smooth? loving or angry?

now, think about what music makes you feel the POSITIVE of whatever negative feeling you get from your conversations with any certain person.
for example: if you call someone who, while talking to them, makes you angry, choose music that makes you really happy for their ringtone. this way, you have already changed the way in which you will react to this person by changing your mood; your approach will change because your mood will change.

try it out!

CELLPHONE HEALING!

I tried this myself and got automatic results. really impressive! here is the link to where I found the information about it:

http://www.zeitenschrift.net/magazin/2-microwaves.ihtml

check it out!